Disney World: Fun family vacation, or cash-guzzling torture?

In December, Disney was offering some great vacation packages. Since we've never taken the kids on a purely fun vacation (cuz we're boring and cheap, I guess?), we decided to take advantage of it. This was a trip nine months in the making. Oh, we had some grand plans! Character greetings, fabulous meals, adult night life, adventure... Grand.

We invited Grandma to come along, not as a built-in babysitter, but to spend some quality time with 2 of her 8 grandkids, and for me to have my mom to myself for a week.

My kids are six and three, 4' and 3'3". According to http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/, the big booger could ride almost everything, and the shorter one still had a lot she could do. So we settled on five days, four nights, the dining plan, and seeing every park.

Boy, did we! We combed every inch of all four parks! We rode nearly everything, saw nearly every show, several parades. We ate well, and still had about six quick-serve meals remaining when we left.

We have some truly priceless memories, some wonderful pictures, and fun souvenirs. We encountered friendly people, fantastic employees, and great sites. And, as exhausted as we were at the end of each day, I wouldn't trade it.

So, why am I writing this? Just to brag about our awesome trip? To whine about how tired and out of shape I am? To bemoan the cash machine that is Disney? Nope, even though some may apply. This wonderful missive is merely the prelude, the intro if you will, to an upcoming yet humorous list of family vacation dos and dont's.

Stay tuned to laugh at my expense!

Fun trip with kids? It IS possible...

We have two young children, 4 (going on 20), and 18 months (going on 20). Taking trips with them is almost never relaxing, and only fun in spots. However, this last trip we took, I think we played everything right, and the entire five-day trip was a blast! Here's what we did, and if anyone else has some great tips for traveling with kids, feel free to leave it in your comment!

First, book a good hotel. Not a Motel 6 or Super 8. Bite the bullet and pay for a good hotel. I'm talking, the kind with a free hot breakfast, free wifi, and a courteous staff. Why? Sure, you think, we're only sleeping there, why spend more than $50 a night? Well, if you have young kids, you're not just sleeping there. You're trapped in the hotel room every night after they go to sleep. So splurge a little, get a room with really comfy beds, a hotel that spends money on insulation between rooms and a heat lamp in the bathroom. And having a fridge and microwave in the room is a godsend! Don't stay with relatives if that will stress you out. Anyway, the hotel is a must.

Next, and I know everyone says this, but have a truly relaxed schedule. Don't plan out a detailed itinerary, scheduling every minute, because kids' naptimes and mealtimes will just throw a wrench in and stress you out. Instead, say you're going to the zoo on X day, and plan all day for it, that way you're not rushing to get to something else. Plan a waterpark day for Y day. And don't have a set day for visiting with friends and relatives. Instead, do a short little visit each day. That way, you don't spend all day in a non-child-proof home with curious kids and nothing for them to do but get into stuff. Small visits, that's the ticket.

Third, food. For young kids, hit a grocery store as soon as you arrive, get some juice boxes, small bags of chips, and something like Uncrustables. Keep them in the fridge in your good hotel room. Perfect for snacks, on-the-go meals, or to keep them busy.

Last, either rent a car, or borrow a dedicated car from a relative, one just for your use while you're there. Having your own wheels means you can go get food when you guys need it, you can leave an activity when your kids are melting down, you can go do something your kids want even if no one else wants to.

Here's some other points to consider, the good and the ugly:

• $500 for all three tickets was great; 6am flight out, and 9pm flight home, were not.
  
• We had our own hotel room, so our kids weren't disturbed when sleeping, and we were able to keep to our own schedule. Awesome.
• We hung around a relative's house most of Friday (arrived at 8, check-in wasn't until 3), kids bored and curious. Not fun.
• Hotel had an indoor pool, awesome.
• Saturday, after a free hot breakfast, we sort of tooled around, visited a sick relative, and generally tried to keep the kids busy.
  
• Sunday, we planned all day for the zoo, and left when our kids were done. That was great.
• Park birthday party on Monday was awesome, plenty of room for kids to run and get dirty and be kids, with minimal interference from us. Gave us time to visit with friends instead of being overbearing parents. Then played in the park's water park until closing, which was awesome.
• Tuesday, after checking out, went to a petting zoo with tons of baby animals, which the kids really loved.
  
• Tuesday night, 8PM flight (bad idea) turned into a 9PM takeoff, which had us landing at 11 and actually driving away from the airport by midnight. Bad, just bad. Got home around 3AM. So yeah, hubby and I didn't go to work today...

So, there's my thoughts. Your turn!

Dear Airport Baggage Handlers

Thanks so much for rifling through my suitcase without my consent! I love the feeling of violation I get at knowing someone's seen all my dirty laundry, and the souvenirs I brought home for my kids. Thanks for not caring about other people, or their belongings. It's really liberating, the way you throw baggage around as if it were pillows, and nothing could get damaged.

I really hope, from the bottom of my soul, that you enjoy my mauve digital camera, and the pink hard case I picked out for it. I hope you enjoy the 2GB memory card that had pictures of my kids and my trip. I know those pictures always made me smile. Maybe deleting them, erasing forever those precious smiles that I can never replace, and using your ill-gotten gains, the fruit of someone else's labor, will make you smile, too.

Did I mention that camera was a Christmas present from my husband? But that's ok, I still have his love. Thanks so much for taking away the pictures of my friend, whom I haven't seen in almost 6 years. I guess if it's taken me that long to go see her, I don't need the pictures anyway, right?

Well, they're all yours now, Mr. Sticky Hands. Every grin of my precious baby girl; every moment with my adorable son; all the memories I shot on my trip are now yours. I can only hope that you have an attack of conscience, and turn it in, or else someday you know just how violated and angry I feel.

Beach hilarity

We spent a fabulous weekend at the beach...huddling in blankets. It was cold and windy, almost too cold and windy to enjoy ourselves...almost! But there were some funny moments, things that just make you shake your head.

My good sleeper spent half of each night, after midnight, rolling around in our bed, alternating between trying to sleep and trying to play. My poor sleeper spent each night fast asleep in his own bed!

I've decided I'm going to design the perfect swimsuit for the fashion-conscious C-section mom. A bottom that's cute and stylish, that completely covers the rump yet doesn't roll down the baby belly to sit on the scar tissue. A top that's cute, yet doesn't show off too much of the Girls and their prime real estate. And I'm going to pass out a catalog to every mom I see, C-section or not, who thinks that her large Girls fit just fine into a triangle top or a junior's halter. *shudder*

My tactile girl, who loves to have fabric in her hand while she sucks her thumb, hates the feel of anything new on her palms or feet. But she had so much fun playing in the sand, scooping, raking, and destroying castles as fast as Josh could make them. Those wild squeals of delight kept me laughing from the shelter of my wind-proofed chair.

No matter how many shells you collect on the beach, you have to make a decision: discard most, or ship your clothing home in a box so there's room in the suitcase for the shells.

However, I learned a valuable lesson this trip. Typically, when we go to the beach, we stay at a cheaper hotel up on the mainland, rather than shell out the dough for a nice beach-front hotel, which we stayed in this time. I had no idea what I was missing! The most comfortable hotel beds I've ever slept on, no lie! We were there the tail end of Spring Break, but you'd never know it from our room; seems like some of that money they've been charging for rooms went into good insulation. And getting to walk out of our hotel, straight to the beach and back, rather than a gritty half-hour car ride before we can shower, was absolutely worth the price. But so was Jacob's reaction when he saw the view from the balcony: "Holy crap, Mom, come see this!"

Getting my spirit back

I love my mountains, the solitude of the impossibly blue sky above your head, lightly sprinkled with fluffy clouds, feeling the forest growing around you. Something in the mountains has always kept a part of my spirit, my self, feeding it back to me at each visit. It's immediately cleansing and soothing to my soul to feel the solitude, the silence, the earth doing what it does best, and to know that out here, I am merely me, and my problems and trials are so small.

That's how I feel about the ocean, only more. There's something about the ocean that has always called to me. The waves, with their gentle sighs, give and take the edge of the sand, always changing it. The sound is like the heartbeat of the universe, calling out to me, begging me to let go of my negative emotions, to let the waves carry them out. The wind ruffles my hair, like the gentle breath of a loving parent. The wind, the sea birds' cries, the waves, all take the toxins from my soul, my spirit, cleansing me; I can breathe, I can think, I can daydream. The gentle sun, warm on my skin, is like a caress; not the caress of a lover, but the soothing, calming caress of a friend, a partner, a parent. Warm, safe, and comforting. I may leave the mountains feeling a little forlorn; after all, I've left a piece of myself there to fly with the eagles. I always leave the beach feeling energized, ready to tackle my life.