Product Review: The ShoesUnder *

You've heard of The ShoesUnder, right? Or have you been ShoesUnder a rock? HAHA, I made a funny! OK, that was lame...almost as lame as the ShoesUnder.

Seriously. If you watch the video provided, it looks so easy, effortless, to neatly store your shoes out of site. And at $9.99 + tax at Walgreens, it seems an organizational dream come true.

While it does fulfill its promises (see photo), that's about the best that can be said for it.

The entire apparatus is fabric. Yes, flimsy cloth. The partitions are merely sewn together, not sewn to the base, allowing shoes to move around under the partitions.

Since it's entirely cloth, there is no real structure to it. Go ahead and try to pull it neatly out from under your bed while it's loaded down with 12 pairs of shoes, I dare you. Try fitting 12 pairs of heels in there, I dare you. Whatever they did to it to make the video look awesome, is not the product you're going to receive.

Not only will 12 pairs of heels not fit neatly into it laying on their sides (as demonstrated in the video), but it's not tall enough for heels. I know, most moms might own 1 or 2 pairs of heels for nice events, but mostly slipons, flip-flops, and the like. And for those kinds of shoes, they should fit. It might work for lighter children's shoes. Although, a large plastic basket works pretty well for my kids' shoes, easily stores, they can find things, it's breathable, and they don't have to futz with zippers.

Bottom line on the ShoesUnder: I give it * (1 star). Probably good for long-term storage (storing summer shoes during winter, let's say), but not for daily use. And not for the heels and wedges I know and love. And now, I'm going to drink a glass of Moscato and ponder how I should be storing my shoes for daily use.

No one gets me

Seriously, no one gets me. Sometimes I feel so cut off from the rest of humanity. Not like Bella, who chose it. OK? So we're clear? I'm not some whiny emo teenager here, ok?

Wow, so that sounded a tad defensive. See, here's the thing. I'm wife, and mother, to attention-deficit. And I have no idea how to deal with it. Up until I met my husband, seriously, I'd never met anyone with ADD. I thought it was a myth concocted by shrinks to explain bad behavior, get press, and make oodles doping kids up on ritalin.

Turns out, it's more serious than that. But what kills me is that even though I've learned that it's a real disease, apparently no one else in the educated world has.

Now, I know not everyone has time, energy, or inclination to read my blogs. We'll shame them later. BUT if they did, maybe they'd have a clue into my life, and how hard and lonely it really is, instead of dismissing my gripes. "He's all boy, isn't he?" they say about my son, or, "Wow, he's wide-open, huh?" Um, sure. I guess those apply, but it's so much more than that.

And my family doesn't get it, either. I try not to throw my hubby & kid in with my brothers and father too much, just makes for really tense times. Because they don't get it.

And when I go out, my friends don't get it, either. They tell me I'm really quiet, and then I feel boring. But it's hard to be awesome and the life of the party when I'm so fucking tired. I haven't slept in four years because of this. Sleeping in, for me, is getting uninterrupted sleep until 6AM. Sad, huh? And when I try to explain my kid, well, you saw what they say.

Inside, my 24-year-old self is screaming at me to let her out. To be fun, crazy, and let loose. But it's hard when I have 3 other people depending on me for everything. And it's always on my mind, crowding out all the fun.

Sometimes, I wish I could become a vampire, super-strong, no need of sleep, able to clean the entire house in under a minute. But I'm just me, with an apple-shaped body and gray hair and sunken eyes, and a to-do list that never gets finished.

One of my Facebook friends wrote, "You are only as strong as those who support you." I guess that means I have the strength of 1, then... is it enough? Do you get me?

Hormone Power

Step right up ladies, and sign up for an exclusive vacation to Hormone Power! We have special rides and areas dedicated to your favorite Hormonal activities! On the midway you'll find our most popular game, Deck the Husband! Hurl irons, rolling pins, or pots and pans at him, for prizes of shoes, bags, or a complete spa package! Or take a leisurely cruise on Cry Me A River, where viewers are treated to touching scenes from Beaches, The Family Stone, and other sob-inducing movies. It's OK to tear up, ride cars are equipped with handy tissue dispensers and makeup wipes! Feel like snarling? Why not enjoy an afternoon in our snark simulator, complete with trashily-dressed strangers you can insult but who won't yell back. Safe Snarking is conveniently located next to Chocolate Rx, our most popular gift shop. There's so much to do and see at Hormone Power, you can't get it all done in one day! And the best part is, while you're visiting us, it's not visiting your poor family!

*Warning: Hormone Power, its investors, advertisers, affiliates, etc. (Park) cannot be held liable for any damages incurred by raging hormones. We cannot replace mascara or self-respect lost on Cry Me A River. Photos of real husbands will not be allowed at Deck the Husband. Should you choose to participate in venting your negative emotions on other Park patrons (Patrons), Park is not responsible for injury caused to you if/when Patrons retaliate. Chocolate Rx is simply a chocolatier, and is not intended to treat, diagnose, etc. any medical condition; consuming too much chocolate may make your hormones worse, and if this causes disturbances to our other Patrons, sedatives will be administered and any spa packages won or purchased will be cancelled. Don't say our name didn't warn you. Who do you think runs this place, anyway, a GUY? Right...he can't even find the remote, let alone his ass with both hands. Geez, I frickin' have to do everything around here! Why can't you people pipe down and take care of yourselves for once? What? Who are you? No, don't come at me with that big needl...*

So, if you read my last post, you'll know that some knuckle-draggin', hairy-backed, tobaccy-chewin', immoral guy needed to get a quick present for his best girl, and what better place to shop than someone else's luggage, right? It's quick, easy, convenient, and hey, it's free! In fact, they're even getting paid to do it! Talk about a bonus!

So yesterday, I called my insurance company to see if this particular theft was covered. Upon discovering that NO, it was not, and even if it was I'd have to pay the deductible first, I practically hung up on the poor guy, and promptly stomped upstairs to my desk, so mad my ears were steaming. I sat down and started browsing; not for a replacement camera, but for my camera, the exact one my husband picked out for me. Silly and unreasonable, sure, but it's not often that he picks out something for me, unprompted I might add, that I end up loving. By the time 20 minutes of searching had passed, without seeing anyone selling my camera, I had to wipe away tears.

In an effort to allow the caged, "normal" part of me to interact with the world (instead of the hormonally-charged, unpredictable me), I sent my husband an email:

Hey, maybe next time, I'll just bring in a gift, and give it to the ticket agent, and tell her to throw into a crowd of baggage handlers to distract them while my bag goes by. I mean, if I'm essentially going to be buying them electronics anyway, I might as well have some fun with it!

His reply prompted several moments of gleeful, malicious giggling:

I just had an image of a bunch of Dobermans crammed in a room, dressed in coveralls, drooling over a piece of steak that's about to be thrown in with them...

And thus we see, in one day, irrational anger, inexplicable tears, and inappropriate giggling...Oh, PMS, why oh why do you only come around once a month?

And while we're on the subject of inappropriate giggling, I just realized something: that ticket agent and anyone who rifled through my suitcase probably caught strep throat! MWAHAHAHA!!