Book Review - Wicked As They Come

I love reading! Reading transports you to new worlds, takes you on adventures, opens new possibilities. How much better if it's a Steampunk book? Not just a new adventure, new characters to meet, but steam-powered carriages, ladies in corsets, clockworks? Just thinking about it makes me want to pick up a book! Alone. With a glass of wine.

I've read fantastic Steampunk fiction by the likes of Cherie Priest and Ren Cummins, who never disappoint. So after meeting Delilah S. Dawson via twitter, and watching her go through plot points, edits, cover art, and the eventual release of her debut novel, Wicked As They Come, I was anxious to pick it up. She has a wit about her, a zest for Steampunk, that not only made her instantly likable, but made me want to see what she put on the page.

I had the chance to meet this darling in person at S.T.E.A.M.Fest 2012, in a sporting top hat made of playing cards and a lovely corset made to match. She was heading a panel on the authoring and publishing processes, which quickly turned to a discussion of WATC. The sheer passion in her eyes, the joy on her face, as she spoke of her characters and plot made the book all the more intriguing. How fortunate for me that not only could I procure a copy from her on the spot, but she was gracious enough to sign it!

From that night through several more, I couldn't put it down! Criminy Stain is a lovable rogue, and in Leticia Paisely I could see a lot of myself: a fierce longing for life lived on my terms, fear of oppression from any quarter, and a determination to enjoy the life I have with those that I love. The plot moves at the perfect pace; the characters are instantly engaging. The world of Sang that Dawson has crafted is at once fantastical and believable. I imagine it's how our world would look in a simpler time; a Steampunk time.

If you haven't encountered these characters, or are new to Steampunk fiction, I can't recommend this book enough! Pick up a kindle copy, or a paperback, and relax as Criminy takes you on a guided tour of Sang, and love!

Red Angel Comic Issue 3 - Review

Red Angel Cover, Issue 2

Issues 1 & 2 of WTFlux Comics' Red Angel were fantastic! Sheer, bloody brilliance! The story line is intriguing, sucking you in, and as an experienced book reader, this has the feel of a plot that has been fully mapped-out before any issues/episodes are created. Some book or tv series feel like the plot just bounces from issue to issue, no real cohesion, jumping around, entangling rather than engaging the reader.

Red Angel isn't like that. Red Angel is cohesive, intriguing, and flows well. The storyboard doesn't jump all over the page, enabling even novice comics readers like Yours Truly to follow it easily.

Red Angel Cover, Issue 3

Issue 3 doesn't disappoint! The artwork is sharp, beautiful imagery, the steampunk elements are absolutely delicious! I adore the details on the Red Angel herself, the figurehead, the logo that repeats on Tori's boot and 2458's chest piece.

The relationship between Tori and Quinn, captain of the Firebrand, is tense, adversarial, and at the same time electric and oddly compelling. You get the feeling that they will end up either as friendly competition, or in bed together.

I must say, as a self-proclaimed comic book newbie, Red Angel has me hooked! Poor WTFlux, I keep pestering them for the next issue! I can't wait to see what issue 4 has in store! If you haven't checked these out, you need to! Go, now! What are you waiting for?

Red Angel Art

Want to know more? See the lovely artwork in action? Unravel the mysteries that Red Angel tantalizes with? Purchase here, or purchase the digital download version here!

Click HERE to read my review of issues 1 & 2.

Red Angel - Review

I'm not a fan of comic books. Sunday comics? Love them. Web comics? Some of them. Movies made from comic books? Adore. But paper comic books? Or worse, comic book enthusiasts... *shudder*


So when Larry Jarrell of WTFlux Comics asked me to review Red Angel, his new steampunk comic, I agreed. A bit reluctantly, but I love helping out other steampunk artists and startups.

What I found in Red Angel surprised me. Jarrell sent me issues 1 and 2, and I accused him of being a tease!


Red Angel focuses on one of my favorite aspects of steampunk: aerial dog fights! It has a strong, enigmatic female lead in Victoria Angel; her strength lies in her own abilities, not the tearing down of others. Were she real, that's an airship captain I'd happily serve under. As a rather independent spirit, that's saying something!

The crew of the Red Angel (Victoria, her sister and engineer Bridget, gunner Marcus Broadside, navigator Jovian, and 1st mate 2458) all think that by combating the Machines terrorizing the populace, and taking the odd coin as payment, they're helping; they think that opportunistic pirates have reanimated the Machines for their own profit. Until they capture the crew of the Firebrand.

Want to know more? See the lovely artwork in action? Unravel the mysteries that Red Angel tantalizes with? Purchase here, or purchase the digital download version here!

Oh, and Mr. Jarrell, sir, when can we look forward to the next installments?

Networking, the fun way

"Steampunk: My Coal-Dusty Heaven" is a guest blog post I wrote for a very cool steampunk blogger I met on twitter, @suzannelazear.

I've had another blog ask to interview me, not because I'm the steampunkiest out there (I can dream!) but because of networking.

I've been retweeted by steampunk authors, artists, and musicians. I've virtually met a lot of movers/shakers and shapers of our wondrously steampunk world, all very cool people.

I've subscribed to steampunk news, blogs, and tweets. While my fondest hope is that Professor Raven's Curiosity Emporium blows up with adoring fans and eager customers, the exposure isn't what I really love about all this "networking".

What I really love about it is being on the front lines, fighting the good fight, and the occasional Zeppelin battle, to craft the genre the way we, the true steampunkers, want it.

Sure, it's popular now, and will be for a couple more years. But after the masses "trend" something else, we will still be part of this mechanized world, still dreaming of rivets, steam, and land-walking Cephalopoda.

Did I tell you this to brag? Or to scare you? Gawd, no...other than government-controlled mechs tearing up our carefully-crafted towns, what could possibly scare a steampunker? And how could my occasional retweet of Lord Likely (who's likelypedia is hysterical), or quote of Airship Ambassador's, possibly engender any awe? Really, I don't want my 15 minutes of fame; I just want to be an eccentric who's heavily involved in steampunk, craft what I love, and have my passion pay for itself.

No, I tell you all this to encourage you to "network" with like-minded steamers, to get to know each other. Most of us have day jobs, and require the odd assistance in the mundane world; having an ally to point you in the right direction sure could help a lot. Banding together into a cohesive worldwide union or resistance force ensures the steampunk world we love will never truly disappear, fall by the wayside, or be left in the dust of obscurity. Getting to know artisans and journeymen can teach you a lot! Attend a con, tweet your heart out, go out there with coat tails flying and goggles secure! I can't wait to meet you!

Meet Vespa Nyx

The Unnaturalists, coming to print soon, by author Tiffany Trent, sounds like a good read! Danger, intrigue, strange creatures, alternate timeline, steampunky goodness... . Is it August yet??

spine-tingling synopsis
In an alternate London where magical creatures are preserved in a museum, two teens find themselves caught in a web of intrigue, deception, and danger.Vespa Nyx wants nothing more than to spend the rest of her life cataloging Unnatural creatures in her father’s museum, but as she gets older, the requirement to become a lady and find a husband is looming large. Syrus Reed’s Tinker family has always served and revered the Unnaturals from afar, but when his family is captured to be refinery slaves, he finds that his fate may be bound up with Vespa’s—and with the Unnaturals.

As the danger grows, Vespa and Syrus find themselves in a tightening web of deception and intrigue. At stake may be the fate of New London—and the world.

Tiffany sounds like a fantastic writer, and now after reading that, I have to go find her books! (Plus preorder this one!) She also has a great blog!

Going a slightly different direction

I've spent the past couple of years on this blog just sort of drifting. Parenting, kids' needs, family life, product reviews... not really sure where I wanted to go, no specific destination or even route in mind. And how do you know you've arrived if you don't know where you're going?

Today, I was hit by Tesla! I've been fascinated by the steampunk world and genre for several years now. I'm not very active in the online steampunk community, only participate on one forum, and that's very sporadically. I work full time at a job that pays the bills but that I love. I spend my spare time creating steampunk goodies, playing with my kids, domestic drudgery, and now exercising. Doesn't leave a lot of time for online steampunk networking, but there ya have it.

Much like an author, I've had characters in my head for a while, the start of a story around them. Only recently have I been able to bring those characters to life, fleshing out their appearances and beginning to craft their back stories. So much I want to do!

So I bid a very fond farewell to the "I'm a mommy" blog, and now my charming, handsome, debonaire alter-ego Professor Raven will be taking over. Fair warning: he's rambunctious, elitist, and eclectic at times!

Disney World: Fun family vacation, or cash-guzzling torture?

In December, Disney was offering some great vacation packages. Since we've never taken the kids on a purely fun vacation (cuz we're boring and cheap, I guess?), we decided to take advantage of it. This was a trip nine months in the making. Oh, we had some grand plans! Character greetings, fabulous meals, adult night life, adventure... Grand.

We invited Grandma to come along, not as a built-in babysitter, but to spend some quality time with 2 of her 8 grandkids, and for me to have my mom to myself for a week.

My kids are six and three, 4' and 3'3". According to http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/, the big booger could ride almost everything, and the shorter one still had a lot she could do. So we settled on five days, four nights, the dining plan, and seeing every park.

Boy, did we! We combed every inch of all four parks! We rode nearly everything, saw nearly every show, several parades. We ate well, and still had about six quick-serve meals remaining when we left.

We have some truly priceless memories, some wonderful pictures, and fun souvenirs. We encountered friendly people, fantastic employees, and great sites. And, as exhausted as we were at the end of each day, I wouldn't trade it.

So, why am I writing this? Just to brag about our awesome trip? To whine about how tired and out of shape I am? To bemoan the cash machine that is Disney? Nope, even though some may apply. This wonderful missive is merely the prelude, the intro if you will, to an upcoming yet humorous list of family vacation dos and dont's.

Stay tuned to laugh at my expense!

Product Review: Moon Dough

Moon Dough. When this arrived, and I saw the box, I cringed. The logo looked remarkably similar to the logo for Moon Sand. You know, the sand that never dries out and doesn't make a mess, but is easy to mold? If only their product was as good as their tag line...

So when I saw the box, I was afraid. If it was from the makers of Moon Sand, I was in trouble. First, because I knew my kids would scream and clamor for it (which they did as soon as they saw it), and second, because I was afraid of the mess. As a mom of small children who is employed full time, I don't have tons of time for cleaning. But, my kids love all forms of art, especially if it involves them making a mess, and Mom cleaning it up. *sigh*

I decided, shushing that pessimistic voice in my head, to let them give it a try. We received the barnyard set, and opened up everything in the living room. Because I enjoy complicating my life. The "dough" in the bags wasn't really doughy, it was crumbly. Extremely crumbly. So much so that many months later, I am still finding pieces that are one with the carpet. Which is a color improvement.

The "dough" does indeed smush relatively easily into the animal shapes provided in the barn mold. They hold their shape surprisingly well. But they also crumble at the touch of a finger. Which my daughter delights in doing. And then an exasperated sigh scatters the now-crumbled "dough".

If your kids love art, love to play with things they can smoosh in their hands, I would highly recommend several products before I can reliably recommend Moon Dough for young children: modeling clay, of the bakeable or air-dryable variety; finger paints; mud; a pile of leaves. I'm sure Moon Dough (or Moon Sand) might be a good buy for older kids; for mine, and my poor abused carpet, not so much.

Product Review: The ShoesUnder *

You've heard of The ShoesUnder, right? Or have you been ShoesUnder a rock? HAHA, I made a funny! OK, that was lame...almost as lame as the ShoesUnder.

Seriously. If you watch the video provided, it looks so easy, effortless, to neatly store your shoes out of site. And at $9.99 + tax at Walgreens, it seems an organizational dream come true.

While it does fulfill its promises (see photo), that's about the best that can be said for it.

The entire apparatus is fabric. Yes, flimsy cloth. The partitions are merely sewn together, not sewn to the base, allowing shoes to move around under the partitions.

Since it's entirely cloth, there is no real structure to it. Go ahead and try to pull it neatly out from under your bed while it's loaded down with 12 pairs of shoes, I dare you. Try fitting 12 pairs of heels in there, I dare you. Whatever they did to it to make the video look awesome, is not the product you're going to receive.

Not only will 12 pairs of heels not fit neatly into it laying on their sides (as demonstrated in the video), but it's not tall enough for heels. I know, most moms might own 1 or 2 pairs of heels for nice events, but mostly slipons, flip-flops, and the like. And for those kinds of shoes, they should fit. It might work for lighter children's shoes. Although, a large plastic basket works pretty well for my kids' shoes, easily stores, they can find things, it's breathable, and they don't have to futz with zippers.

Bottom line on the ShoesUnder: I give it * (1 star). Probably good for long-term storage (storing summer shoes during winter, let's say), but not for daily use. And not for the heels and wedges I know and love. And now, I'm going to drink a glass of Moscato and ponder how I should be storing my shoes for daily use.

Christmas in the bag, it's Sesame Street FTW

My daughter, all 23 pounds and 27 inches of her, loves Elmo. Not like most little kids love a character. She obsesses over Elmo, can spot the tiniest Elmo image from across the store, sings the Elmo song, begs for an Elmo show after school, wears Elmo clothes, and on and on. Did I mention she's not quite two?

Her older brother, on the other hand, is four going on 16, loves anything battle related or superhero related, loves to enact battle scenes, and only puts up with his sister's Elmo obsession because, well, he loves his sister. And, let's face it, they are awfully sweet when they play nice together.

If you're a mom like me, you'd give anything to let your toddler test out toys before you shell out the cash to keep them. Luckily, I had just the opportunity. While doing some pre-Christmas scouting in the store the other day, I spied some cool new building blocks, and of course they're Sesame Street-themed, which is why they caught my eye to begin with. But I took them off my mental list after seeing the recommended age of 2-5 years. Imagine my delight when I received a reviewable kit of Sesame Street K'NEX in the mail from Team Mom!

Sadie was overjoyed at seeing her favorite friend, Elmo, and his trusty pal Cookie Monster, in cute, lovable, changeable block form! But the biggest surprise was seeing Jacob chomping at the bit to have a go! We put the 1-2-3 Brownstone together, and she laughed at Bert in an upstairs window. She danced Elmo around the building, singing Elmo's song. She took his head off and learned how to put it back on. Then Jacob took it apart and made an Elmo robot to prowl around. The best part? Jacob has been playing with the set, rebuilding, playing Elmo and Cookie Monster hide and seek, the better part of the day.

All of the sets are designed to work stand-alone, or together, which means I can buy as few or as many as I want. Plus, the pieces are big enough for Sadie's tiny hands, big enough not to get lost in the carpet like other blocks, yet not so big that Jacob would call them "baby blocks". Even better, the sets are what I consider to be reasonably priced! Which is great, since this is going to be an Elmo Christmas, followed a month later by an Elmo birthday...

Below you'll find info on a great video contest sponsored by K'NEX. I won't be entering, but after watching mu Elmo-girl and my big tough boy play with these all morning, I think I know what Santa's bringing us!

Want to get in on the fun, and have a shot at winning $1,000? Create a 30-second to 3-minute video of your child playing with any K'NEX 400 pc tub or K'NEX Sesame Street set. Do not include last name, city, street, or other personally identifiable info on the video itself, beyond state and first name of your child. Post the video on your blog or website, and send the link to knexvideocontest@knex.com. Don't have a blog or website? Send the video to Make a K'NEX Video Contest, K'NEX Brand, L.P., P.O.Box 700, Hatfield, PA 19440. You'll need to include an official entry form (which I will gladly email upon request) so that you get credit, and can get notified if you win. Entries must be received by K'NEX by 7 December. 10 finalists will be posted on knex.com and the K'NEX Facebook fan page, where fans can vote for their favorite. Must be a US resident, not a resident of Florida and over 18 to enter. Complete official rules can be found on www.knex.com. Good luck!

The contents of this product review are strictly the work of the author, and do not reflect the opinions or any policies of the product in question, or the review's sponsor. Author has received no monetary compensation in exchange for this review, beyond a product sample that is author's to keep or distribute as she pleases.

What to do??

I need your suggestions. Let me hammer out your criteria:

While I am trying to find a reliable babysitter I can use all the time (as in, her and no one else), I am also trying to find things for my husband and I to do on date nights other than dinner and a movie. And I need your help, as you'll see why:

The town we live in is relatively small, racially-charged, uni-cultural, and boring. Sure, there are meat-markets I mean dance clubs, a movie theatre, a renowned Shakespeare theatre, a couple bowling alleys, and that's about it. We have 1 Indian restaurant (hubby's not a huge fan), a couple decent Japanese restaurants (hubby's all over this), 1 decent Mexican restaurant (hubby's not a huge fan), and lots of places specializing in Southern cuisine (i.e. fried shoe leather).

We could stay home and play Wii together, but that wouldn't require a babysitter or a new environment, just our tired old living room.

We could go see a movie or play, but those aren't really interactive, and frankly we're tired of seeing movies together all the time.

There is a minor-league baseball league, but neither of us are fans of baseball. There is no hockey (pro, minor, or city-league, but that's what you get in a city that doesn't experience natural ice, I guess), no rollerball, but tons of college ball teams (we're not really into cheering on schools we have no affiliation with).

Studies have shown that couples that experience new things together build longer-lasting, happier relationships. And since I've been feeling pretty lonely, down, and neglected lately, I really want to do something about it, lest my secret-guilty fantasies about leaving take root (only in my blackest moments do I fantasize about this; leaving my family would probably kill me) .

Can anyone help? What do you do on dates?
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No one gets me

Seriously, no one gets me. Sometimes I feel so cut off from the rest of humanity. Not like Bella, who chose it. OK? So we're clear? I'm not some whiny emo teenager here, ok?

Wow, so that sounded a tad defensive. See, here's the thing. I'm wife, and mother, to attention-deficit. And I have no idea how to deal with it. Up until I met my husband, seriously, I'd never met anyone with ADD. I thought it was a myth concocted by shrinks to explain bad behavior, get press, and make oodles doping kids up on ritalin.

Turns out, it's more serious than that. But what kills me is that even though I've learned that it's a real disease, apparently no one else in the educated world has.

Now, I know not everyone has time, energy, or inclination to read my blogs. We'll shame them later. BUT if they did, maybe they'd have a clue into my life, and how hard and lonely it really is, instead of dismissing my gripes. "He's all boy, isn't he?" they say about my son, or, "Wow, he's wide-open, huh?" Um, sure. I guess those apply, but it's so much more than that.

And my family doesn't get it, either. I try not to throw my hubby & kid in with my brothers and father too much, just makes for really tense times. Because they don't get it.

And when I go out, my friends don't get it, either. They tell me I'm really quiet, and then I feel boring. But it's hard to be awesome and the life of the party when I'm so fucking tired. I haven't slept in four years because of this. Sleeping in, for me, is getting uninterrupted sleep until 6AM. Sad, huh? And when I try to explain my kid, well, you saw what they say.

Inside, my 24-year-old self is screaming at me to let her out. To be fun, crazy, and let loose. But it's hard when I have 3 other people depending on me for everything. And it's always on my mind, crowding out all the fun.

Sometimes, I wish I could become a vampire, super-strong, no need of sleep, able to clean the entire house in under a minute. But I'm just me, with an apple-shaped body and gray hair and sunken eyes, and a to-do list that never gets finished.

One of my Facebook friends wrote, "You are only as strong as those who support you." I guess that means I have the strength of 1, then... is it enough? Do you get me?

Top 10 Reasons....

Why you shouldn't let your scary-smart, ADHD preschooler have ANY time unsupervised:

10 - Shout, while an effective stain-remover, is not an effective wall cleaner.

9 - Discovering, and eating, my chocolate stash.

8 - Scaling the front of the entertainment center to get his piggy bank.

7 - Getting his 18-month-old sister out of her booster chair.

6 - How the hell did he figure out the buckle? Even I have trouble with it!

5 - Food coloring experiments in the sink

4 - and on his hands

3 - and on the floor.

2 - How the hell did he get the food coloring down from above the stove??

1 - Silver Metallic Spray Paint was not meant for built-in wooden cutting boards!

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Fun trip with kids? It IS possible...

We have two young children, 4 (going on 20), and 18 months (going on 20). Taking trips with them is almost never relaxing, and only fun in spots. However, this last trip we took, I think we played everything right, and the entire five-day trip was a blast! Here's what we did, and if anyone else has some great tips for traveling with kids, feel free to leave it in your comment!

First, book a good hotel. Not a Motel 6 or Super 8. Bite the bullet and pay for a good hotel. I'm talking, the kind with a free hot breakfast, free wifi, and a courteous staff. Why? Sure, you think, we're only sleeping there, why spend more than $50 a night? Well, if you have young kids, you're not just sleeping there. You're trapped in the hotel room every night after they go to sleep. So splurge a little, get a room with really comfy beds, a hotel that spends money on insulation between rooms and a heat lamp in the bathroom. And having a fridge and microwave in the room is a godsend! Don't stay with relatives if that will stress you out. Anyway, the hotel is a must.

Next, and I know everyone says this, but have a truly relaxed schedule. Don't plan out a detailed itinerary, scheduling every minute, because kids' naptimes and mealtimes will just throw a wrench in and stress you out. Instead, say you're going to the zoo on X day, and plan all day for it, that way you're not rushing to get to something else. Plan a waterpark day for Y day. And don't have a set day for visiting with friends and relatives. Instead, do a short little visit each day. That way, you don't spend all day in a non-child-proof home with curious kids and nothing for them to do but get into stuff. Small visits, that's the ticket.

Third, food. For young kids, hit a grocery store as soon as you arrive, get some juice boxes, small bags of chips, and something like Uncrustables. Keep them in the fridge in your good hotel room. Perfect for snacks, on-the-go meals, or to keep them busy.

Last, either rent a car, or borrow a dedicated car from a relative, one just for your use while you're there. Having your own wheels means you can go get food when you guys need it, you can leave an activity when your kids are melting down, you can go do something your kids want even if no one else wants to.

Here's some other points to consider, the good and the ugly:

• $500 for all three tickets was great; 6am flight out, and 9pm flight home, were not.
  
• We had our own hotel room, so our kids weren't disturbed when sleeping, and we were able to keep to our own schedule. Awesome.
• We hung around a relative's house most of Friday (arrived at 8, check-in wasn't until 3), kids bored and curious. Not fun.
• Hotel had an indoor pool, awesome.
• Saturday, after a free hot breakfast, we sort of tooled around, visited a sick relative, and generally tried to keep the kids busy.
  
• Sunday, we planned all day for the zoo, and left when our kids were done. That was great.
• Park birthday party on Monday was awesome, plenty of room for kids to run and get dirty and be kids, with minimal interference from us. Gave us time to visit with friends instead of being overbearing parents. Then played in the park's water park until closing, which was awesome.
• Tuesday, after checking out, went to a petting zoo with tons of baby animals, which the kids really loved.
  
• Tuesday night, 8PM flight (bad idea) turned into a 9PM takeoff, which had us landing at 11 and actually driving away from the airport by midnight. Bad, just bad. Got home around 3AM. So yeah, hubby and I didn't go to work today...

So, there's my thoughts. Your turn!

Hormone Power

Step right up ladies, and sign up for an exclusive vacation to Hormone Power! We have special rides and areas dedicated to your favorite Hormonal activities! On the midway you'll find our most popular game, Deck the Husband! Hurl irons, rolling pins, or pots and pans at him, for prizes of shoes, bags, or a complete spa package! Or take a leisurely cruise on Cry Me A River, where viewers are treated to touching scenes from Beaches, The Family Stone, and other sob-inducing movies. It's OK to tear up, ride cars are equipped with handy tissue dispensers and makeup wipes! Feel like snarling? Why not enjoy an afternoon in our snark simulator, complete with trashily-dressed strangers you can insult but who won't yell back. Safe Snarking is conveniently located next to Chocolate Rx, our most popular gift shop. There's so much to do and see at Hormone Power, you can't get it all done in one day! And the best part is, while you're visiting us, it's not visiting your poor family!

*Warning: Hormone Power, its investors, advertisers, affiliates, etc. (Park) cannot be held liable for any damages incurred by raging hormones. We cannot replace mascara or self-respect lost on Cry Me A River. Photos of real husbands will not be allowed at Deck the Husband. Should you choose to participate in venting your negative emotions on other Park patrons (Patrons), Park is not responsible for injury caused to you if/when Patrons retaliate. Chocolate Rx is simply a chocolatier, and is not intended to treat, diagnose, etc. any medical condition; consuming too much chocolate may make your hormones worse, and if this causes disturbances to our other Patrons, sedatives will be administered and any spa packages won or purchased will be cancelled. Don't say our name didn't warn you. Who do you think runs this place, anyway, a GUY? Right...he can't even find the remote, let alone his ass with both hands. Geez, I frickin' have to do everything around here! Why can't you people pipe down and take care of yourselves for once? What? Who are you? No, don't come at me with that big needl...*

So, if you read my last post, you'll know that some knuckle-draggin', hairy-backed, tobaccy-chewin', immoral guy needed to get a quick present for his best girl, and what better place to shop than someone else's luggage, right? It's quick, easy, convenient, and hey, it's free! In fact, they're even getting paid to do it! Talk about a bonus!

So yesterday, I called my insurance company to see if this particular theft was covered. Upon discovering that NO, it was not, and even if it was I'd have to pay the deductible first, I practically hung up on the poor guy, and promptly stomped upstairs to my desk, so mad my ears were steaming. I sat down and started browsing; not for a replacement camera, but for my camera, the exact one my husband picked out for me. Silly and unreasonable, sure, but it's not often that he picks out something for me, unprompted I might add, that I end up loving. By the time 20 minutes of searching had passed, without seeing anyone selling my camera, I had to wipe away tears.

In an effort to allow the caged, "normal" part of me to interact with the world (instead of the hormonally-charged, unpredictable me), I sent my husband an email:

Hey, maybe next time, I'll just bring in a gift, and give it to the ticket agent, and tell her to throw into a crowd of baggage handlers to distract them while my bag goes by. I mean, if I'm essentially going to be buying them electronics anyway, I might as well have some fun with it!

His reply prompted several moments of gleeful, malicious giggling:

I just had an image of a bunch of Dobermans crammed in a room, dressed in coveralls, drooling over a piece of steak that's about to be thrown in with them...

And thus we see, in one day, irrational anger, inexplicable tears, and inappropriate giggling...Oh, PMS, why oh why do you only come around once a month?

And while we're on the subject of inappropriate giggling, I just realized something: that ticket agent and anyone who rifled through my suitcase probably caught strep throat! MWAHAHAHA!!

Dear Airport Baggage Handlers

Thanks so much for rifling through my suitcase without my consent! I love the feeling of violation I get at knowing someone's seen all my dirty laundry, and the souvenirs I brought home for my kids. Thanks for not caring about other people, or their belongings. It's really liberating, the way you throw baggage around as if it were pillows, and nothing could get damaged.

I really hope, from the bottom of my soul, that you enjoy my mauve digital camera, and the pink hard case I picked out for it. I hope you enjoy the 2GB memory card that had pictures of my kids and my trip. I know those pictures always made me smile. Maybe deleting them, erasing forever those precious smiles that I can never replace, and using your ill-gotten gains, the fruit of someone else's labor, will make you smile, too.

Did I mention that camera was a Christmas present from my husband? But that's ok, I still have his love. Thanks so much for taking away the pictures of my friend, whom I haven't seen in almost 6 years. I guess if it's taken me that long to go see her, I don't need the pictures anyway, right?

Well, they're all yours now, Mr. Sticky Hands. Every grin of my precious baby girl; every moment with my adorable son; all the memories I shot on my trip are now yours. I can only hope that you have an attack of conscience, and turn it in, or else someday you know just how violated and angry I feel.

Dear Smooth Away

Dear Smooth Away:

How do I love you? Let me count the ways:

I love the way you've made this look so easy! One simple pass should get rid of my unwanted leg hair! I must have done something wrong if it took me an hour to get the hair off my lower legs...

I love the versatility of your product! One simple pad should remove all of my unwanted body hair...except for my armpits, but I must have done something wrong there, too...

I love the way you've convinced me that I need your product to simplify my life. Now I can get rid of all of my razors, all of my exfoliators, and all of my free time...

I love the crafty marketing you used to convince me to buy your product, instead of, say, a sander. The sander would probably be quicker, but where's the fun in that? And it's funny, but the "microfine crystals" seemed a lot more like sandpaper than I would have thought...

I loved the thrill of fear I felt during the hair removal process, seeing the fine white powder of my skin getting "gently" buffed off...

I truly adore the way you promise no razor burn! How did you do that? I must have done something wrong in my hour-long use of your product to de-hair my legs, because the lotion you recommended I apply burned, and left me with razor bumps.

But best of all, I love the stubbly, poky way my legs felt the next day.

Thanks, Smooth Away! Thanks to you, I can kiss my free time, my outer dermis, and my smooth legs good-bye! I know you said I can use this on my face, but I'm just not confident enough in my abilities to take a sander to my upper lip...

Beach hilarity

We spent a fabulous weekend at the beach...huddling in blankets. It was cold and windy, almost too cold and windy to enjoy ourselves...almost! But there were some funny moments, things that just make you shake your head.

My good sleeper spent half of each night, after midnight, rolling around in our bed, alternating between trying to sleep and trying to play. My poor sleeper spent each night fast asleep in his own bed!

I've decided I'm going to design the perfect swimsuit for the fashion-conscious C-section mom. A bottom that's cute and stylish, that completely covers the rump yet doesn't roll down the baby belly to sit on the scar tissue. A top that's cute, yet doesn't show off too much of the Girls and their prime real estate. And I'm going to pass out a catalog to every mom I see, C-section or not, who thinks that her large Girls fit just fine into a triangle top or a junior's halter. *shudder*

My tactile girl, who loves to have fabric in her hand while she sucks her thumb, hates the feel of anything new on her palms or feet. But she had so much fun playing in the sand, scooping, raking, and destroying castles as fast as Josh could make them. Those wild squeals of delight kept me laughing from the shelter of my wind-proofed chair.

No matter how many shells you collect on the beach, you have to make a decision: discard most, or ship your clothing home in a box so there's room in the suitcase for the shells.

However, I learned a valuable lesson this trip. Typically, when we go to the beach, we stay at a cheaper hotel up on the mainland, rather than shell out the dough for a nice beach-front hotel, which we stayed in this time. I had no idea what I was missing! The most comfortable hotel beds I've ever slept on, no lie! We were there the tail end of Spring Break, but you'd never know it from our room; seems like some of that money they've been charging for rooms went into good insulation. And getting to walk out of our hotel, straight to the beach and back, rather than a gritty half-hour car ride before we can shower, was absolutely worth the price. But so was Jacob's reaction when he saw the view from the balcony: "Holy crap, Mom, come see this!"

Getting my spirit back

I love my mountains, the solitude of the impossibly blue sky above your head, lightly sprinkled with fluffy clouds, feeling the forest growing around you. Something in the mountains has always kept a part of my spirit, my self, feeding it back to me at each visit. It's immediately cleansing and soothing to my soul to feel the solitude, the silence, the earth doing what it does best, and to know that out here, I am merely me, and my problems and trials are so small.

That's how I feel about the ocean, only more. There's something about the ocean that has always called to me. The waves, with their gentle sighs, give and take the edge of the sand, always changing it. The sound is like the heartbeat of the universe, calling out to me, begging me to let go of my negative emotions, to let the waves carry them out. The wind ruffles my hair, like the gentle breath of a loving parent. The wind, the sea birds' cries, the waves, all take the toxins from my soul, my spirit, cleansing me; I can breathe, I can think, I can daydream. The gentle sun, warm on my skin, is like a caress; not the caress of a lover, but the soothing, calming caress of a friend, a partner, a parent. Warm, safe, and comforting. I may leave the mountains feeling a little forlorn; after all, I've left a piece of myself there to fly with the eagles. I always leave the beach feeling energized, ready to tackle my life.

Yay, long weekend! Or not...

My kids' school is closed for Good Friday and Easter Monday (not currently celebrated in America, but hey, everybody likes a day off, right?). Which means, of course, that Josh and I have to use personal time to be home with the kids.

We were each going to take a day, make it fair. Then Josh says, "Oh, wait, honey, I forgot...If I take 8 hours of personal time, I'm not going to have enough days for our July beach family reunion, or the "honeymoon" we want to take in December!" Convenient, eh?

>So I'm taking 16 hours of personal time to be home with them Friday and Monday. Friday is covered, we're going to Pump It Up in the morning, taking Josh lunch, picking up the dry cleaning and sending off the sale from my Etsy site. Saturday, god willing, my hair dresser will be able to give me a break from my kids new perm. If not, I'm getting my nails done. And conveniently, we can't go to the commissary until Saturday when Josh can come with, because I just have too much to do on Friday and don't have the next week's menu done. Like my sneakiness there? Maybe it's retribution for him reneging on taking the kids one day...

Sunday, we're having an egg hunt with my friends Kendra and Ariel, and having our own Easter dinner. Monday, the girls and I are taking our boys (5, 4, and 2) to a local coffee shop that has, besides coffee, cute purses and an indoor play area. However, no matter what I have planned, I know that on Tuesday morning, I'm going to hop out of bed and eagerly dress for work!

Here's what I want to know: why is it called a day off when I'm really going to be working harder than I do at work, and a dairy cow to boot?